How to Cope With the Emotional Turmoil of Divorce?
Divorce is one of those life experiences that can shake you to your core. It’s a total upheaval of your world, home, finances, social circle, and your very sense of self.
Even when a split is amicable, or perhaps necessary for your well-being, the emotional fallout can be staggering. You don’t just mourn the person you lost, but the future you imagined, the memories you shared, and the identity you built as a partner.
To put the weight of divorce into perspective, the Holmes-Rahe Stress Inventory gives it a ‘life change’ score of 73. Topping the list is the death of a partner at 100. This shows the psychological toll that marital dissolution takes on an individual.
Coping with that kind of upheaval doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time, patience, and a lot of self-compassion.
Below are a few tips from our practice that can help you cope with the emotional turmoil of divorce.
#1 Make Radical Self-Care a Priority
Self-care is not a luxury during a divorce. It’s important to stabilize the autonomic nervous system, which enters a state of fight-or-flight response.
When you are in the midst of a psychological crisis, your capacity for high-level cognitive functioning diminishes. Failing to prioritize self-care makes you vulnerable to total burnout, cognitive decline, and long-term depressive disorders.
Sleep is often the first thing people lose during a divorce. But lack of sleep disrupts neurochemistry. It weakens the prefrontal cortex’s inhibitory control over the amygdala. Without enough rest, you lose the ability to regulate your emotions. To restore the sleep cycle, try to go to bed at the same time daily and turn off screens an hour before bed.
You might want to skip meals or eat junk food since you’re stressed. But when you skip meals, your blood sugar levels crash and spike, which only worsens mood swings.
Instead of skipping meals, eat small meals throughout the day, even when you don’t feel hungry. Healthy fats are good for the brain during stress. So, include things like olive oil, butter, and coconut oil. These fats help nourish the nervous system.
#2 Watch Out for the Numbing Trap
It is human nature to want to escape pain. In the vacuum left by your partner, it is easy to turn to external substances, such as alcohol or drugs, to quiet the sting of rejection. But too much dependence can cause addiction.
If you find yourself reaching for alcohol or even drugs to avoid the reality of your situation, you must seek help early.
Look into addiction treatment centers offering alcohol and drug rehab services. They provide structure, coping tools, and compassionate care when you need it most.
Finding a good treatment center isn’t as hard as you think because addiction is a growing problem in the U.S. In Tucson, for instance, there has been an alarming rise in drug addiction. No wonder there are 93 addiction centers offering rehab treatment services in Tucson.
A live-in treatment center is a great way to start getting sober. Purpose Healing Center explains that these facilities, with 24/7 supervision and professional support, offer a secure space where the risk of relapse is removed.
Many alcohol and rehab centers also accept Medicaid. Medicaid pays for high-level care at a facility (inpatient), as well as part-time programs (outpatient) and medication-assisted treatment (MAT).
So, when you do your research, look for programs that accept Medicaid to lessen the financial burden of addiction treatment.
#3 Create New Rituals
Human life is built on routine. Moments, like sharing a morning coffee or ordering Friday night dinner, give our week structure and meaning.
When divorce happens, these rituals often vanish or, worse, become painful reminders of what is gone. To cope with the turmoil, you must intentionally replace old rituals with new ones. Rituals provide a sense of rhythm and predictability in a world that feels chaotic.
How you start and end your day matters most. A morning routine of just five minutes of intentional breathing, music therapy, or goal-setting before you look at your phone keeps you from feeling rushed and stressed. At night, taking a moment for gratitude or a quick chat with a friend helps your brain let go of the day’s worries, so you can sleep better.
Holidays are often the hardest time after a divorce. The old traditions can be too much to do alone. It is okay to skip them for a year. You do not have to perform for anyone.
Try making one new tradition just for you. Maybe you go for a walk on Christmas morning, or you volunteer to feed the homeless. These new acts belong only to you.
If you have kids, help them make new traditions too. You could have a taco bar for Thanksgiving instead of turkey. You could celebrate half-birthdays if they are with their other parents on their real birthday. This shows them that family still matters, even if it looks different.
Moving Forward, One Gentle Step at a Time
Healing from a divorce is not a race. There will be days when you feel like you’ve finally turned a corner, followed by days where you feel right back at square one. That isn’t failure; that’s processing, rather.
Be patient with yourself. Surround yourself with people who lift you, and don’t be afraid to ask for professional help if the weight becomes too much. Remember that you are far more resilient than you feel right now.
The turmoil will eventually settle, and in its place, you will find a version of yourself that is stronger, wiser, and ready for a new chapter.
